During the holidays, my mind is always immersed in loads of memories, gift shopping, and the order of visits at family houses. Oh my gosh; the numerous family and friends to be seen! Parents, Aunties, Uncles, cousins, parents’ work friends and their kids, sometimes even neighborhood kids or school friends shared holiday activities and dinners with us. No dining room table or house was ever large enough; people were seated everywhere and anywhere space appeared.
Holiday dinners were paramount. Shopping lists and cooking assignments were just as important as gifts. Experienced adults cooked with intuition and poured that knowledge into less experienced cooks. Younger adults and kids learned how to make pies, brownies, cakes, and banana pudding. The holiday excitement was as much about a celebration of culture as gratitude for health, family, friends, and everything we had. Time seemed to pause, and everyone seemed to focus on each other. Sometimes, visits were limited. Instead, everything was subdued with minimal chatter and only the sound of the television.
Recreating favorite holiday dishes always caused my thoughts to travel back in time. I saw myself seated in the kitchen to ‘look collard greens’ with Mah and Grandma Hazel. Then, I watched Auntie Loretta and lined her Banana pudding pan with Nilla wafers. Next, I heard Grandmo’ Mary lovingly offer a piece of Sweet Potato Pie, and Mama instruct me about the size of dice for the veg and offal to be mixed into the Cornbread Dressing. Finally, my heart was comforted by the bellowing laughter of adults greeting one another and loving chatter between siblings and cousins.
Despite all the holiday excitement, sometimes family celebrations seemed the darkest place to be. Sometimes, I felt lost or out of place and weighed down with many cares. My heart ached for family members who were absent due to death or other life circumstance. My mind filled with anxieties regarding situations that weren’t exactly as I wanted and socially acceptable comparisons that just would not seem to dissipate. At times, even my bank account was disappointed because it couldn’t satisfy the desires of my imagination. In those moments, I felt disconnected, almost like I watched everything from the outside. My emotions wanted both separation and a hug.
I always chose (and still choose) a hug…the kind of hug reminding me that I was visible, inherently valuable, unique, and irreplaceable.
In the busyness of life, barrage of messages promoting consumerism, and acceptable comparisons of social culture, it is relatively easy to engage in overanalyzing, harsh self-criticism, and people pleasing. Without fail, they lead down a path filled with varying degrees of sadness, passive anger, and wandering in the darkness of not ‘being enough’.
Truthfully, all of us are more than enough.
Favorite foods & flavors reminiscent of my family (*All the photos below are previous photos of my dessert and Thanksgiving meal adventures; none were obtained from the internet.):
Thanksgiving Dinner ‘Staples’ (circa 2018)
My Thanksgiving dinner always includes a mashup of ‘staples’ and ‘optionals’. 😋
‘Staples’ include Collard Greens, Roasted Turkey, Cornbread Dressing & Gravy, Cranberry Sauce, and Candied Yams (or its Sweet Potato Pie ‘cousin’). Culturally significant, these flavorful dishes connect me to the traditions of my grand and great-grandparents and remind me of the sacrifices they made so that I could enjoy the life I have.
‘Optionals’ refer to side dishes that have become my favorites or haven’t been eaten in a while. In the above pic, ‘optionals’ include Basmati Rice, Oxtails, and Roasted Carrots. ‘Optionals’ are my way of infusing freshness and vitality into the holiday meal, as well as adding my personality and traditions onto the ones passed down to me.
Caramel Cake (circa 2018)
Although I don’t remember my age when I tasted the Caramel Cake, I remember that it changed my life and my taste buds forever. Although not frequently made, it is one of those cakes with flavors that consume your thoughts and taste buds just by the mention of its name.
Many recipes use caramel only in the icing. However, this Caramel Cake incorporates caramel into the cake itself. The balance of sweet, nutty, and smooth in a tender cake crumb is unmatched in any cake I have ever tasted. I could consume an entire cake by myself! 😋
Pineapple Upside Down Cake (circa 2021)
What can I say about THIS deliciousness? Sweet, tart, and citrus-y roasted pineapple with a tender butter cake crumb and smooth cherry sauce. It is a cool 2nd fav to the Caramel Cake. Always, the first slice was ‘bionically’ heard throughout the house. Anyone standing too far away was guaranteed to miss out. 🤣
#survivingthedarkness #morethanenough #inherentlyvaluable #thanksgivingdinnerstaples #caramelcake #pineappleupsidedowncake #bws #foodlove #plantforward
Black Wood Spoon 